How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
