Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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