yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like eating out sand paper
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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