dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
