I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So much rum. So many feels.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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