either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
