She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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