If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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