I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
