i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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