you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
