so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
