my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
