i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
