I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
