It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
