I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you never un-have a 4some
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
