he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
