why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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