I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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