I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
