I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
