At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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