What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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