last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize