dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize