can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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