Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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