I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
