Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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