too bad you live with your parents still
I looked at my own cervix.
zippers are such a cool invention
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
