he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
