Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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