got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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