If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
