he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
