I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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