My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
