Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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