There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
