my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
