there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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