Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
