I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
