There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
