FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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