see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
