Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The air was thick with penises
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
