I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
