suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
