Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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