You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Everything about him screamed your future.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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