my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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