Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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