fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
