He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
