things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
