I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize