They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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