he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
