I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
