wakey wakey hands off snakey
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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