I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize