dude i'm inner monologue high
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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