New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
