He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
