Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
