All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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