you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
