my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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