I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
