Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boobs speak an international language.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
