Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
