You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
