Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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