i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
