Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
