The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
