i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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