The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
