I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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