btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
